And it says - The MOE (The Ministry of ENTERTAINMENT) presents 'Hari Vali 2006', a second edition of the best-selling 2005 Deepa-Raya release. How editor-speak. How not to enjoy work like that. hee.




The women at the forefront of this event - elaine, sha2, manisha - The Intercultural Exchange



Yay!i didnt think event management was my thing but we all pulled it off. kudos to brainstorming sessions and time away from manuscripts and finally back to Human People, braving the lelong crowd at geylang just for the gift goodies, to PR-ing with the nonya-kueh-selling auntie and schmoozing with caterers for our 'Match The Kueh' game, for nights of facing phantoms whilst doing up the 'Hariraya' quiz (it was painful but still).

***

the possibilities are endless. geckogirl and i, we're planning a backpacking trip next year. she's trooping off to vietnam n laos this year. china was unforgettable, i want more of those. it is liberating to know that my decisions will not be mediated by the opposition of anyone who claims to know what exactly would be the best for me. the constrictions are lifted off and i marvel at that.
Life, Life, Life - the birds and the bees are a-humming,

***

more photos of JENFUR's birthday at The Line, Shangrila. the food was awesome, the company greater. i love all of you 'Old Is Golds's. im too lazy to put up pixs so go to Tarn's and Shooby's blog for them. i love you jenfur, you've always been such a fantastic friend and i really am glad that you're in my life. guess we're all at crossroads in our individual lives. just wanna let you know them im always here for you for starbuck treats if you're broke and you need to cheer up, or just for me to dissect problems. you're always welcome to bother me cos i love you manymuch.

Click Here!
http://liao-shuyi.livejournal.com
http://www.xanga.com/thehappyheartsclub

my girlies at work.

***

i am sorry for being a mean trooper with my words and careless tongue :(
only God can do that ever-renewing miracle of healing hearts and hurts.
i dare not trust Man to right the wrongs sometimes cos it just ain't enough.

i'm such a Delayed Reactionist.
in other words; a true-blue Slowpoke.

***

breakfast on saturdays i lovelove very much. that extra effort to wake up early and press on toward a good meal to kick off the day. i have very heartlander-ish and hawker-ish tendencies.

***
Restore joy and contentment. The world is on shifting sand. Provide a way out. No bondages of any kind. Free them me we us you him her.

The heart seeketh no pleasure when you can't trace the shape of it, rationalizing its emotions away with cool, hard Reason - thinking 'for me' and assuming that it is what 'i want' since it is the 'best way' for me . When that very foundation upon which you delineate such misaligned desires of my heart comes to naught, and you find out that it is not that which i desire for myself, the flies of your parochial, paternalistic, logical 'oh its the best way for you and probably what you would want for yourself and if you don't accept my sound reasonings then the devil must be in you and you must be crazy following your emotions and feelings and letting it dictate your decision' buzz around my ears like irritants out of the rubbish dump and you start wondering, why is she hurting me so by lashing out at me, let me tell you don't tell me my life plans when you refuse to factor in that i have that individual right to mak up my own mind, let me tell you that you have blatantly disregarded and wheedled away what i truly feel regarding certain decisions, that you have absolutely do not have a healthy respect for my being, that i cannot count on you being a nurturing and supportive presence in my life, and your fears of my fly-freebirding tendencies cause you to want to have that greater measure of control over every aspect of my life.

Some get it, but obviously you don't. Flyfreebird will exist alongside with the man she loves and who loves her enough to fly with her, not before her, not keeping her on a tight leash, not restricting her in a birdcage with his unduly fears for her and for their relationship.

Her heart will stay with him at all times, appreciative of that support and mutual understanding, gladdened with much joy that finally there is one who does not live in anguish when problems do not get solved immediately and still stay within trusting distance for look at us, all our problem unresolved despite 'talking it out' at every turn immediately because that's the way you are, because you want damage-control but what ever is the point of doing that when my own feelings, thoughts, desires and opinions are always being taken lightly and in fact dismissed and disregarded all the time.

To break out of boxes,self-imposed or otherwise. Transgressive Transformation? I think you're afraid of me. I think you want a status quo maintenance. I think you want to keep me safe and sane. I An image of who you think i am, of who you'd like me to be. I think i'd rather not, for i won't be beating myself up meeting expectations which I'd sooner come to resent. Let me do anything out of my heart's desire according to His expectations. cos at least He won't change when i let Him down.

***
The incessant Rise of the Phoenix.

No more being a wreck. Onward, forward.

There’s lots I gotta do. First, I need to find me an abode. House-house, come to me. The search will start with the newspapers this Friday. Let it be cheap, let it be quick.

My heart needs a physical home.

***
Jenfur darling, ill dress up prettypreety for you this Sun for your birthday.
Sunrise ShangriLa, Champagne Chipadees, Fairie Frocks and GlitterGemGals of mine.

Adieu Sweets, you shall hear from me.

***
Lightie-flightie lovelovelove, I see you seeing me but are you ever sure? Or am i too heavy-hearted, you heart me not?
Yawn my love out evey morning, drag it across the floor upon waking up, brush the dust off with your toothpaste and lock it up when you leave. Then leave the key under the rug so that i may awaken it when you forget to come back home.

***

I heard of a man who says words so beautifully
that if he only speaks their name,
women give themselves to him.
If I am dumb beside your body while silence blossoms like tumours on our lips,
it is because I hear a man
climb the stairs and clear his throat
outside our door.

***

Heart set a-beating.
17, all over again.
so adorable. goodness graciously adorable.

***

'Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.'

Camus

One thing after another after another. Is it humanly possible? Losing bearings. Solitude overwhelms for once. Trading my life for that eternal reassurance. All things fall away. Footfall on the margins of Life. Almost.

Will you be holding my hand to join me in this [revolution]... this, this... daily annoyances?

Let the Eleventh Hour quickly pass me by.

for the first time in a loooooong time, i woke up at 1130 a.m instead of the usual 630. and upon opening my peeps, i was expecting more cuddle-time with pillows that abound and while away the remaining half-hour or so, just basking in illicit time-robbing pillow-cuddling session (hey,im honestly time-robbed of zzzzzz).

then, my nose started running. a-fire a-fire, they run double-time. sniff. im half-sick with flu on this fav day of resting :x

im gonna do a Cinderella. wash my toilet, wash clothes, iron them. do a bit of math calculation AND remember to go to the bank next sat morn. ive got a total of 10K under my name for nus and laptop fees.grrr. poor pauper am i. heh. but im not worrying about anything at all, nothing to worry. the trick to this is just to remember the magic codework - Jehovah Jireh. so good to wake up remembering this. so so good. wow.

maybe ill do a bit of taebo after ironing and hanging those clothes. the haze is so bad and my nights are packed-full i havent had time to run.

love you all.

I am awesomely exhausted like never before. I have been counting – three weeks of non-stop turbulence, everyday a new twist. I hope I’ll never have to go through that anymore. Fighting on two fronts and keeping your wits about yourself. Wondering what in the world has happened when I stock-take these few weeks. It seems almost surreal, passing by me so fast. The reality of it havent quite sunk in yet.

But there is a peace that reigns, that cradles me. My heart inwardly grieves, a dull aching pain, but I have not shed much tears. Seems like God is guarding my heart and my mind. Gaining much comfort and strength from the one I call my God. There is finally a unity in my life. No more being torn apart from all ends. To move forward and take that step of faith. No more double-lives. To live as God’s child. To openly say that I believe in Jesus.

Putting aside all that prevents me from being close to You.

Not a form, not a religion, no protocols, no reward-induced behaviour but for the love of one who inhabits every fibre of my being.

I’ll come to You once again as your little child, in all her fragility and brokenness. You will give me back your covering which i seem to have lost, vulnerable and desperate, lost in all the strife.You will comfort those who are broken because of the decisions that i choose to make and i stand on that. You will give me strength, to be that bundle of joy offering. There is no condemnation in Christ. The condemnation which once held me in bondage does not have that stronghold over me.

Grace as Marvellous, not cheap, not haphazard.

He is my Precious Pearl.

Stripped of all that is familiar and comforting, of a sense of permanence, of material possessions and of reassuring safety, the pervasive loss that wrenches the guts out of you causes you to go on automatic mode to try to capture back a semblance of normalcy. You go about daily life around that which is commonplace, seeking accustomed habits to still that helter-skelter subconscious of yours.

The burden of shame, guilt and heartache drives you to question the existence of monsters and consequently, causes you to inquire whether you are one as well. The irreparable hurt you caused lulls you into easy self-reproach and the guilt you bear torments you so. It is so tempting to repair the hurt by renouncing that which damages the ones you love.

Yet the aching heart knows that God’s perfect will works toward all that is good, sowing a precious hope that gives life to the living. The living ceases to live without such promises of eternity. You recognize that life without God becomes infinitely meaningless. You devour the claims made by Him, receiving strength like it is a matter of life and death. You realize that you can gain human love by overt submission and allegiance, by pleasing the other by playing that expected role.

The question is - would you trade an unconditional, life-giving, life-fulfilling love for fallible human love and devotion which strikes out at you once you fail them?

The ever-renewing miracle of His love.