once again, you're such a disappointment. the love-weary cannot give love - they only take and suck you dry. once again, you did'nt come after me when i chose to go away. the heart-weary ceases to listen to their heart, just to save their skin. logic, rationality and calculated moves preside over your every action. your ennui reveals much - an inability to be grateful and appreciative over your treasures.

i can play chess too, you've taught me well. your protege predicts that once again, they'll be yet another plaster girl for you to run to, to run away from this awful mess that has been there since forever -once again in search of lighter baggage and less tempestuous seas.

i do not need you to patronize me, dishing out compassion on cheap-silver platter - your perception of me as a little girl who needs all the protection from the world, that my seeming weakness as a woman(such gender essentializing. smack. if you were strong in the first place, you would know how to love me) probes you to extend that hand of kindness to hold on to something which is essentially stagnating (in your eyes)(and in need of your sterile imagination to reinvent and invigorate new freshness). so then, tell me how i managed in the past to stay in a two-half yr relationship and still be very much in love?

it is you who is killing me with your jadedness, stoicism, blatant cynicism and disregard for the wholesome things in life. ive forgiven, over and over - me, practice tit-for-tat? no sirree. till perhaps when you learn to come after me and know how to love. i dont need anyone else to fill up that void - i wont subject anyone to second-hand love. so till then, to healing, once again.

i cannot love men who are dying while they live.