watched a film adaptation of Neil Simon's The Goodbye Girl (1977).

the accompaniment (David Gates) to the soundtrack might look cheesy on this interface, as love songs normally go, but - dismiss them not. go hear the song and let it tug at your heartstrings.

'Cause baby goodbye
doesn't mean forever,
let me tell you goodbye, doesn't mean
We'll never be together again,
If you wake up and i'm not there,
I won't be long away 'cause the things you do
my goodbye girl
will bring me back to you.

***

im not sure why, i feel like im 22 going on 16. my notions regarding certain issues still bear that tinge of undulterated hope. i still harbour hope. i have not succumbed to cynicism. have a little respect for yourself, and in consequence, leave a semblance of it for me - mock me for my naivete? how cruel of you to c-r-u-s-h them. it hurts more than ill ever reveal, ever. im sorry i cannot buy into your notions of practicality, tt a state of togetherness depends on whoever who happens to be your plaster girl to present happiness to you and for you to leave in tempestuous times, only to discount that integral act of forgiving each other? - strip away every and nothing is left of the love-wearied. only a hard [heart] core, bandied around like a veteran soldier's wound - your very own badge of honour? i think not. move on and learn to see love as it is. think out of the box. stop circumscribing self-imposed limits upon yourself -

such joy-killing - your heart is old, weathered -
and

cold.

***

biding my time till end of exams.

memories. fragments and slivers of them.

meadows i still dream of them why? such purity in all its intent, perhaps thats why. with no agenda on both parts, only a sweet friendship as the basis of that foundation. and maybe i still dream of the meadows because they represent hope, such youthful vigour in delineating whats wrong and right, with God in the middle as our stronghold, peppered with conversations tt do not involve mind games, seeing the world with new eyes all the time, that heart-to-heart connection, knowing that if floors do gobble you up in your emptiness in the midst of a crowd, i would be your friend to comfort you, to give a part of myself without counting or being afraid.

but afraid i was-
this girls grown, battered from/by all fronts,
but at least she's learnt not to

cut-and-run.

she'll stay, for some.