an apple becomes a psuedo-almond when you bite into the very core of it - eat the seeds.

no, this is not metaphorical - its true. somehow or rather, simple things that i say seem to get misconstrued and read into with much misguided enthusiasm when an apple = really just an apple.

***

can you undo certain decisions? mediated by multiple factors.

***

Da Paolo has simply the best enticing cakes . i ate a strawberry yoghurt cheesecake yesterday. am craving for more. am craving for other intangibles. the tangible is often being used to satisfy the intangible.

***

so you pray for wisdom and discernment , and not simplicity, in the face of the bludgeonings of the world - like gender politics and human interactional theories. your disillusionment wells up within and you realize that you dont quite like the world as it is. alternative solutions?build you an ivory tower? succumb to notions that are mediocre and embrace bestiality? create yourself an alternate reality in that head of yours, fortified by the (anti) institutions of Books and Films and Plays? is your angst a belated one? do you subscribe to the fruits of Love, Goodness, Hope, Peace and know that there is a spirit which dwells in the interstices of your being which mediates Simplicity and Complexity? do you rather live in that innocent ignorance or do you embrace it and seek out to create a pathway for the world to a certain truth? do you eliminate people when you realize they dont quite hold the same truths and values as you do? or do you practice spiritual discirimination, or do you set out to just love - humans in all their imperfections? do you seek not to stumble others when you are down and weak and shot?

blood-shot-eyes-of ___.

***

whimsical creatures. nus has never seen me so embarrased trying to stuff this into my bag, flowergirl i am - not. twas a funny night, da-pao-ing kopitiam steaks (for $6) after school n hitching a ride out fm labrador park laughing ourselves silly. maudlin (and broke-student) creatures. no protocols, no guidelines - to a day like any other.

***

will be on holiday till mon, peeps. daddy's order, birthday-man this weekend. batam - mediocre choice of location but a favourite with parents. must be the indonesian cuisine n spa packages they've been harping on. so here i come, pedicures + manicures + massages + facials, the frumpy girl will rejuvenate and hopefully emerge a swan. the mind will take a rest from academia n girlygirly non-brain-juggling books n mags will follow suit. that swimsuit, as well.




***

nothing and no one matters more to me except for mrmeadow-maker.
the frailty of human relationships/bonds and our conditional demands made on others have certainly highlighted this.
im glad we have this secret thing going on, mister god, just you and i.

just you and i.

we have this common understanding, ya know. He is my idea of perfection. in light of blatant cynicism/second-rate deals/humourless joy-killing, i am glad to be Your little child.

the decisions i take might be bad, and if they truly are, please mrmeadowmaker, because we have this common understanding (yo,yo) thang going on, gimme your (yo) Peace cos i need your sign. make them BigBold-but-does-not-matter-if-its-not-Beautiful elephantine RoadSign with all those extra directions like
----> or <---- . it would be good if i pass prison and collect $200 buckaroos on the way. i dont want life to be a series of Monopoly, monopolizing my life. its bad enough to hear that love is a game by that guy on pseudo-tv. love is everything in Corinthians. holllaaaaa. Peace Out, brotha.

oh and God, just in case i havent been saying it lately, thank You for loving me.

i love You, very much.