i feel like i need the ah-lian side of me to emerge. to hurhur-why-like-that-one-ah and then next day total amnesia - feels shiok to be a dumb blonde, aint it, to be a total airhead. Keatsian 'negative capability' with a twist. this need for triviality, to dismiss things as they come and go, to say oh-well-so-be-it and compound it into a pulp and throw it into the rubbish bin.

too many deaths by caused by intensity. im always too serious for my own good in just about everything.
not going school tom. i wanna dig holes in the ground.

***

ser-rie's sms to me -

'hey when u find a fish check whether its fresh or not ok. be careful with ur heart. esp since its v precious.'

oh you. enjoy denmark my dear girl. Operation Stranger will kick off for you with a Big Bang. and keep those stories for me.

everyone's going everywhere. jen zhen tarn shoobs, they're all gonna go on Operation Europe after graduation this june. its 5 grand, so maybe not for me.

i live vicariously, knowing that most of my loved ones are scattered all over the globe.
denmark, uk, france, india, australia.
i even took 2 modules this sem that has all to do with India (hi gecko girl!). its a strange feeling when the lecturer talks and im staring real hard at the map, trying to find goa and imagine how this part of the region can be sucked in a weird timezone of the 1960s, retaining their hippie culture and wondering whether gecko knows about this place. when i watch french movies i think of tarn and shoobs in france and french men and amelie poulain and be glad there is this thing as poetic realism. yes yes its all slivers of the imagination, all preconceived notions and sketchy ideas of my vision of the world. ive not travelled much, but there's always google. when in doubt, google it.

restlesss restless. new cultures, food, people. i thrive on displacement. ive never one to feel home sick before, even since young.maybe cos ive never quite developed a singular sense of attachment to any physical place. this sounds like tara/gecko talking.

seeking to be an urban nomad.
i carry hearts in my heart though i walk so very far.