i love having heart-to-hearts. a Spontaneous Serendipitous Moment with eleine today whilse waiting for PeaceBaby to commence. sometimes, id like to go straight to the heart, piercing the bulls-eye of Issues, wheezing past social niceties and tact, which can often get complicated with the Gender issue if one's of the opposite sex but if your fine with that (hello fir-ry!) and do not look for more signifying gestures leading yet to other cogent, external meaning (how very po-mo. meaning always deferred), then good for you and me. i don't shock one with issues just for the sake of that Shock Factor, especially not meaning to be rude or obnoxious. curiosity may have killed the cat but not me. e. has this way of being randomly straighforward no-holds-barred i-want-to-ask-means-im-gonna-ask and i appreciate such honesty and trust.

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called jen today. i miss you, you silly billies and the rest of you clan you guys we're gonna make our last sem in school a memorable one ok so here's to more runs + good food + chat sessions, now that there is no one here to steal me away not like i was really ever away but that just means no more tag-alongs when we just need our girlie moments and that means no more seeing those signature lined boxer shorts which is really fine with me cos then you wont say that i have to be kicked out of this clan cos i dress down awfully in order to suit someone. in short, ill see you on Christmas. Merry Christmas with much FaithHopeLove. oh, and to the ones in India and Bristol too - my other Heart-to-Hearts. and to my culture-vulture monologue-r.

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'is it okay to kill strangers to prop up a way of life just because the people who live it are the people you love?' ~ Diary, Chuck Palahniuk

a different new perspective on u/s.

strangers = me.
way of life = your past + you.

trancendental epiphany about you whilst talking to e. such arrogance and narcissism- you - though in my heart, a sort of strange pity coupled with much pain for [felt for] you, (that much is true cos i dont want anything to be a farce), knowing that you really didnt mean to harm me in such a way, acknowledging you for that heart which you possess. i might say - a complete nightmare, though short it was and thank goodness for that. i wont ever do that to anyone (and once again im glad you dont know the existence of this blog), having been forced to give birth to a heart that fully recognizes that one's source of healing can only come from Mr-Meadow-Maker. forgiven you i have, Spite please pass me by and i know you not. letting go came easy and i now i know why it is as such -

so that i can see Hope, elusive as it is - but just enough to catch a glimmer of its piercing and glorious brightness. in the hope of better things to come, of better gifts to be bestowed upon, whatever it might be.