im awfully tired, of ...

small little semblances of pettiness. i thought i was beyond that, and for a while, i was - everything slid past me and i could let go of sheer indiscrepancies, human inconsistencies and even blatant cruelty pretty easily - even magnanimously (with His help, of course. it helps to know that to be like Him is to Forgive and Forget).

and now humanly, we put a label on this aspect of my being as Indifference. am i beyond war-like syndromes and the breaking of peace or am i just beyond caring? it hurts when i care far too much. it hurts when i lost a pretty special friend a year back, i didnt know whether to live and let live or show tt the loss of the friendship mattered, and by extension - care bout it (and in the event, be tormented by the knowledge of that loss) (and the consequential question would be - are people then replaceable? is that why some go thru so many relationships/friendships? apparently, that turnover rate is obnoxiously low for me. perhaps cos of the importance i attach to people whom i hold close to my heart)

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i saw jovian at city hall today. we seem to bump into each other at the weirdest of places - like the NUS canteen (when he's in NTU) and today whilst i was going down the escalator and he, on the opposite direction. he called it Coincidence and liked that idea. Serendipity, is that it? we have awfully 'funny' vibes with each other, extends all the way back in jc i guess...at times, we connect at a certain level and at times, we're uber aloof with each other, bordering on antagonism. i can never put a finger on this, even in retrospect. but he was one of the first few guys ive respected for being the [lone] individual tt he was, and all his strange
idiosyncracies. same with jude i guess, back then (ha, and tt leaves only 2 in AC, gender-wise, respect-wise).

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